Saturday, September 24, 2011

Anger Management Classes Teach You to Regain Control

Anger management classes can teach you how to stay in control. After all, we've all probably heard the advice that we should keep our mouths closed if we do not have anything nice to say. Knowing that and applying it are two different things. When we are upset, we tend to say things that we should not. We end up saying things that really are better left unsaid. On several occasions, we end up saying things to purposely hurt a person's feelings. Situations like this often lead to relationships that are damaged beyond repair. To avoid these things from happening, you should sign up for an anger management class so that you can be on your way to controlling your temper better. Both you and your family will benefit from this course of action.

anger management classes
Some people rationalize their actions by saying that they were just extremely emotional at the time. This is exactly the reason why attending an anger management class is necessary. Ordinarily, people who are extremely upset do not act in a manner that will cause severe damage to people that they love. If you find yourself causing pain that is beyond what the situation warrants, consider that as a sign that you need help to put your emotions under control. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry per se. We all get angry at some point. Your anger management classes will help you maintain control over what you do or say when you are in the midst of extreme emotion. Instead of screaming and shouting at people, you will learn techniques to get yourself to calm down sufficiently so that you can engage in a conversation. This is more fruitful than screaming at people. With a conversation, there is hope of resolving the issue on hand. With screaming only comes more screaming. Nothing gets resolved because no one listens. Everyone is too busy trying to get heard.

If you have ever physically hurt someone in anger, then it imperative for you to get help. It has been shown that people with violent tendencies tend to increase the level of violence that they exhibit as time passes. Before things go too far and you hurt someone really bad, get the help that you need. There are many people who have been convicted of crimes of passion. In a nutshell, these are people who committed a crime because they let their temper gain control over them. What you should aim to have the ability to do is to take control over your emotions. Never is this more important than when you are extremely angry and probe to doing harm to those around you. By continuously attending anger management classes, you will find yourself becoming equipped to deal with anger.

Go here to learn more about anger management techniques.
Dr. Joe James is a psychologist who is the developer of an online court ordered anger management class.
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Anger Management - Understanding Anger

Anger itself is not always a destructive emotion, indeed righteous anger can be considered very productive when it motivates us to react positively to it, and therefore that can result in resolving or improving our situation. However when we react disproportionately to people or events happening around us compared to other people, or if we find ourselves too frequently experiencing and expressing anger, or even if we are just constantly feeling angry, then it is likely that we have a much more deep-rooted problem that appears to be driving us.

With the right kind of anger management counseling, you can quickly come to understand your anger. By learning how the mind works you can then get it working for you rather than against you. The fact is, that it is not always the events themselves necessarily that causes the anger but more likely to do with some deep rooted belief that is distorting the way we feel. So by challenging some of those deeply held beliefs that can so often be hidden from our conscious awareness, through counseling, we can gain mastery over our anger and can then start to use it beneficially. Once you appreciate that change is definitely possible and also come to realise that it is much easier than a lot of people believe is possible, then that destructive process can be quickly reversed and dealt with more productively.

In order to enhance the counselling sessions I believe that by incorporating hypnotherapy techniques as part of that process, it will not only speed up the therapy but also make it so much easier. My suggestion to include hypnosis would be to provide an instant relaxation technique to utilise whenever the need arises. My logic for this is because whenever we become emotionally aroused we shut out the higher cortex (which is just a posh way of saying we close off our clear thinking brain). The emotional arousal that results from the anger-inducing event is usually caused by entering into a panic attack that has been triggered off by a misinterpretation of that event.

Panic attacks are a perfectly natural response to the feeling of being in danger or feeling threatened in some way, the danger or threat does not have to be real to kick-start a panic attack, we just have to perceive it that way. So even if those negative feelings are simply an emotional response that is linked to some past event that we are unable to make a conscious connection to, then that could account for the resulting panic attack.

Therefore for those who are experiencing some kind of explosive rage, they may well be unaware of the origins of that anger but can only respond to what they feel in that moment. It is not unusual when the moment has past that people may then question themselves about the way they behaved and not really fully understand it. That is because when we are calm we have full access to our thinking brain and can make good decisions about how to react more appropriately to each situation, something that evades us in moments of rage.
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Anger in Marriage: How to Have Open Communication

Anger in marriage is a very common problem facing most couples. In my professional opinion it is the number 1 reason why couples either divorce or split up. I believe that both men and women don't know how to deal with their anger in romantic relationships and they attempt to address it through passive aggression. By this I mean that they engage in the silent treatment, extra marital affairs, spending too much time at the office, etc.
Ask any marriage expert and they will tell you that the way to having a successful marriage is through open communication. Another word for this is assertiveness and dealing with your anger head on. Addressing issues (within the relationship) and then moving on. Within your romantic relationship(s) do you manage to do this? Most don't.

I find that this is the 1 area of life (marriage ) that they find the most difficult to be assertive in. Work, friends, no worries but romantic relationships...well that is another story.

There is no doubt that couples invest a lot of time, money and energy in their relationships and they will try anything to keep them together. However, in marriage nothing is certain and it is something that both parties need to work on everyday. I think the reason why couples don't have open communication is that they are scared that the other person will leave them.

The issue isn't conflict. Couples, especially those couples that come for couples counselling and are contemplating divorce are happy to argue and scream at each other. What they are not doing is effective conflict. What I mean by this is that they are not addressing an issue and moving on. Instead, what they normally do is have an argument and storm off without fully addressing the issue at hand.

So what happens, is that these issues, which I like to call Red Hot Buttons, keep on coming up as issues in the marriage and are usually the reason for the break-down in the relationship. As we all know, most marriages usually end through very minor events (e.g., the toothbrush being left out) happening. Why? Because this triggers a larger underlying issues (e.g., lack of respect).

It is important to note that there is a number of other factors that influence couples not being able to talk openly and properly about their anger. Time is a huge issue. Just having the time to talk, especially when kids and work come into the mix is often very difficult. My advice is that you make the time. That is why date nights, where you as a couple put away 3 hours every week to spend some quality time with each other to talk is so important for the health of your marriage.

It can also be very difficult to change the norms within a relationship. If you have been in a marriage for 20 years and the norm has been never to communicate open and honestly, it is difficult to wake up one morning and start this process. This is why both partners need to be involved and often coming to marriage counselling is an important first step.

Once couples understand that a marriage can be absolutely amazing as opposed to being satisfactory, then the they will make the decision every time to be assertive and open in their communication style. These skills are more than just relationship skills, they are life skills that can be applied in all areas of your life.
Make the choice to live an extraordinary life and marriage through choosing to embrace your anger through assertiveness and open communication.
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Friday, September 23, 2011

Anger Management and Parenting

I was running an anger management workshop recently and there happened to be a lot of parents in the room that day. One thing that amazed me was the need for anger management strategies when dealing with children. So this article will attempt to address this very common problem that parents face.

Firstly, I would like to clarify what I mean by the term: anger management for parents. Often children can be a source of anger and frustration for their parents in particular. Let's face it, it can be very difficult to manage your anger around your children. They seem to be able to press our buttons and are not always reasonable.

Learning how to say No
A lot of parents just don't know how to say no to their children. For some reason a lot of parents want to think of themselves as their child's best friend. A quick newsflash - your child needs a parent not a best friend. And a good parent knows how to say no to their child and risk not being liked. It is really hard for parents to say no to their children because you just don't know how they will respond. But... what's more important - to be liked or to be respected by your child? And if your able to do this, your child will turn out better from a developmental point of view. This is a very clear message from the research.

Saying no is essentially being assertive and bringing the issue to a head. Everyone knows where they stand.

Specific Assertiveness Strategies
Really the strategies do not differ from being assertive in other areas of your life. For example, if someone crosses over one of your boundaries and it is an issue for you, then you will need to address it. It is no different with your children. The big difference at home is that your children are going to cross of your boundaries all the time because they want to see what they can get away with. So it is imperative that you follow the assertiveness strategies. What are they? As discussed in previous articles the main steps involve:

(1) Identify when a personal boundary of yours has been crossed
(2) Address it through being assertive
(3) Continue to monitor your environment

So how does this translate to the home environment? Or how are you meant to respond to a boundary cross at home from your children? Say for example your child was beating up their younger brother or throwing food at the kitchen table. This may be a boundary cross for you and cause some negative reaction within you.
It is important that you address it with your child. But instead of focusing on what they did wrong, make it all about you. Explain to them why it is an issue for you and why it made you upset. There is probably a 90% chance that they will repeat the behaviour again. That is not the point. The point being that you have managed to address your anger and able to deal with them in a balanced manner.

Anger management for parents is no different than anger management for bosses or anger management in romantic relationships. The same principles apply. If you have an issue, then you need to address it. It is that simple.
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Anger Causes Health Problems

Nowadays nobody is surprised anymore if you see in the news that someone has been beating up because they were having a fight or an argument. It happens when young people go out or even domestic violence is common in the news. Can you remember when Chris Brown hit his girlfriend Rihanna because he was just angry at her? It seems like more people are angry nowadays, or is it just because the media puts 'anger' in the spotlight?

Anger is a really powerful emotion. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, psychical abuse, psychical fights, assaults and self-harm but it can also leads to health problems. Anger triggers the body for a 'fight or flight' response. Other emotions what trigger this response are anxiety, fear and excitement. When your body responds like that, stress hormones like, adrenaline and cortisol floods through the body. The brain redirects bloods away from the gut towards the muscles, prepare them for a physical exertion. It prepares the body to fight or to flight. Everything in your body increases, the blood pressure, the body temperature, the skin perspires and the mind is sharp and focused. The constant flood of these stress hormones together with unmanaged anger can eventually cause harm to different systems of the body. The health problems it can causes are:

* Headache
* Digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
* Insomnia
* Increased anxiety
* Depression
* High blood pressure
* Skin problems, such as eczema
* Heart attack
* Stroke

To way to get in control of your anger is to address it and being assertive. This can be done in different ways, for example by setting clear boundaries for yourself or to be aware when people push your buttons. It is important to be assertive so your anger will not build up over time. By being assertive you will not get the anger explosions. People may think that not showing your anger is good way to deal with it because 'it is not right to get angry'. Don't repress your anger because you just don't deal with your anger. In fact, you still haven't addressed it and the anger is still within you. If you don't do anything about it, it can often turn in depression or anxiety. Try to express your anger in a healthy way, do a relaxation exercise. And if angers occur, recognize it and try to accept it as a part of life. Don't let your anger become your health problem.
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Anger Control Systems - Anger Management Tips

Everyday living is tough and many of us cope with lots of different sensations on a daily occurrence. Driving to work, handling coworkers or perhaps connecting with a loved one can cause irritation and anger. You'll find anger management ideas that may be extremely helpful to assist you to get through stressful occasions and live a happy life. Recognize that anger has its place in society and sometimes can't be avoided, however being able to manage your own anger using the following ideas can help immensely.

1: Anger Management Tips - Ignorance.
Understand there are some individuals out there which plainly like to push your buttons to make you furious. Usually they recognize they are really making you frustrated and continue to anger you until there may be an outburst. Some others might be making you irritated without understanding it, possibly getting passive aggressive in a way that upsets you. Try to think that the person who is causing you to be angry doesn't understand that they're and allow them the benefit of the doubt.

2: Anger Management Tips - Physical Behavior.
Any time anger begins to build, you'll be able to feel the different parts of the human body transform. Your heart will begin to beat more rapidly, your hands may become sweaty and you begin to communicate louder than usual. You'll be able to circumvent most of these physical changes by applying additional physical changes which will make a big difference. Take a deep breath prior to when responding to the anger, it's going to relax you; more importantly it should present you with enough time to subliminally identify the situation for a much more favourable conclusion.

Even before a potential anger inducing situation comes about, you can help control your anger by way of staying physically fit and productive. Stress is known as a main factor in not having the capacity to deal with your anger, working out minimizes anxiety on a large scale.

3: Anger Control Tips - Self Reflection.
Choosing to get help for your rage condition is probably the best anger tips to choose from. Take a look deeply at exactly what the root source of the anger might be. It's possible that it happens to be something upsetting from the past or it may be a drug abuse problem which encourages a lot of these anger outbursts. Knowing the main cause of your anger is usually the initial step in having the ability to entirely manage and control your angriness problems. Be reasonable with what you could be seeking to achieve by controlling your anger; it may well not be in your very best interest to fully block out your anger since you may be ready to channel it towards an impressive end result.

4: Anger Management Tips - Remain Responsible.
Remember, decisions will have implications; good and bad. The vast majority of times you enable your anger to take control, what this leads to is generally hardly ever beneficial. Observing yourself seeking to blame others for ones anger or as to why you experienced an uncontrolled outburst is a good indication you are not taking liability for the actions. Constantly stay accountable for your actions, no matter what emotion took control.

There are many different anger managing suggestions you may make usage of and there merely isn't sufficient room in one article to write about it. Managing your anger using one suggestion may possibly succeed much better than another, for that reason have a go with several anger management tips to figure out what succeeds on your behalf.

Understand strategies in order to to manage your rage. Go and visit Anger Management. Simply click here to visit
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Anger - Control It Before It Control You

We have all felt anger, and know what it is about. Anger is normal, and is often a healthy human emotion. But it becomes a problem when it gets out of control and becomes destructive. This often leads to issues at work, problems in our personal relationships, and in the overall quality of our life. It is this consequence that makes us feel that we are the mercy of this unpredictable and uncontrollable emotion.

So what actually is Anger, and how do we respond to Anger?
Anger can be triggered by both external and internal occurrence. You could be angry at a person (supervisor) or a situation (traffic jam or cancelled flight). It could also be that you are worried about your personal issues. Past memories of unhappy happenings also lead to angry feeling.

The intuitive way to express anger is to react aggressively. Anger is a natural reaction to threat; it creates intense emotions and behaviours, which allow us to defend ourselves when we are attacked. As such, a balanced amount of anger is necessary for our survival.

However we cannot take physical actions on every person or object that irritates us. Laws, values and society norms place limits on how far we can express our anger.

People often use a mixture of conscious and unconscious actions to deal with their angry feelings. The three common approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

The healthiest way to express anger is to express these feelings in an assertive (non destructive) manner. To be assertive, you have to learn how to express clearly what your needs are, and how they can be met, and without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being aggressive. On the contrary it means being respectful of others and most importantly yourself.

Anger can also be suppressed, and then transformed. This usually comes in the form of first controlling your anger, avoiding any thought about it and redirecting such ill feelings towards something positive. The goal is to inhibit your anger and change it into a more positive behaviour. The risk with suppression is that it doesn't enable outward expression, by turning your anger inwards onto yourself. Such manifestation may lead to stress, resulting in medical related effects like depression and high blood pressure.

Unexpressed anger can produce other problems. This could lead to illogical and misleading expressions of anger (getting back at people, without telling them why, rather than dealing with them directly) or a behaviour that appears distrustful or pessimistic. People who are criticizing everything, constantly putting down others, and making skeptical remarks, have not learned to positively express their anger. Normally, they are also not likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down internally. This means not only controlling your internal reactions, but also your outward responses. This involves activities which lower your heart rate, calming yourself down and let the feelings subside.

Unfortunately, when none of these methods work, that's when somebody or something is going to get hurt.
Tan Danny is an expert in Self-Help. To get more FREE tips and advice on Self-Help Click here to subscribe to my free newsletter (worth US$97) Or visit my website @
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Anger and Mental Health

Anger is most closely associated with anxiety. People who have anger management problems are often highly anxious and stressed. They are often highly functioning individuals who expect a lot from themselves and a lot from those whom they surround themselves with. Anger management problems are a natural by-product of their life. A lot of these people have very high levels of either generalized anxiety or social anxiety. These 2 types of anxiety are contributing to their anger management problems.

Its much easier for these people, usually men, to say that, "I've got anger management problems," than to say that, "I suffer from social or generalized anxiety." People with social anxiety find it very difficult to be in public places, for example, shopping centers, where there's going to be a lot of other people around and where an easy exit is not always present. For example, in a train when commuting between home and work, when the train is in motion, they are not able to exit the train until the next stop. People with generalized anxiety have a low resilience to stressful situations in their life. Part of their anxious response to these situations is to get angry.

Another mental condition associated with anger is depression. Some experts believe that depression will affect 1 out of 5 people, at any 1 point in time. Eighty percent of people will suffer depression at 1 point in their life. So it is a very, very common mental health condition. Depression can be a very frustrating condition to have, because there is no obvious solution to it. This is especially frustrating for Type A, goal-driven personalities who often suffer from anger problems in the first place.

There's no solution to it. No obvious solution to it. They can't go for a run, or drink some beer, drink some alcohol, or eat some food or talk to someone about it. Depression is a lot more complex than that. A common response to depression and anger is to take frustration out on others. Again, it's very important that people recognise depression for what it is, and get it diagnosed and treated.

Anger Management Is An Inability to Handle Negative Emotions
Think back to your life now. What do you do whenever you have a negative emotion? For example, when you are down or anxious or stressed what do you do? Do you sit alone quietly and deal with it in your own time? Or do you try to get rid of it through alcohol, exercise, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, drugs, smoking, talking to friends or family?

Most people will do the latter, because we've never been taught how to deal with our negative emotions. Unfortunately for most people, our emotions are like a roller coaster. It goes up when we have strong, positive emotions. It plateaus when we have neutral emotions. It dips when we have negative emotions for a certain period of time, and then the cycle continues.
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Anger Management - Putting Yourself First

What does putting yourself first mean?
I don't believe our society really teaches us how to put ourselves first. We know how to put the needs of other people first, wherein we're encouraged to be considerate and understanding and empathic towards other people. But we are not really encouraged to look after our own needs. Society makes you think that if you choose to look after your own needs, then you're being selfish. Nothing could be more further from the truth. Some people focus too much on the needs of others, often to the detriment of their own needs.

Do you do this? Do you focus on everyone else's needs but your own? First, you need to change how you think about the term, "me first," or "being selfish". You need to broaden your understanding of this term. Putting yourself first is not necessarily a bad thing to do. In fact, it is needed for your own psychological, sometimes physical well-being. It does not make you a selfish individual, and if you can broaden your context around this. For example, how you think about this term, putting yourself first, then this is the first step to getting in control of your anger.

Why do we struggle with this, you may wonder. I honestly believe, it's because we need approval from other people, and when we don't get this, this destroys us inside. Think about your own life for a second. When you interact with other people, when there are conversations or when people ask things of you, is your first thought to please them or make them like you? The answer is probably yes. And this simple way of being really influences our behavior.

Think back over you life, maybe the last couple of years. How did you behave when somebody asked you to do something that you didn't really want to do? Or when someone crossed a personal boundary of yours? Please refer to the chapter on boundary setting if you are unclear about what I mean by this. What did you do? Did you stand up for yourself and think about, "what's important for me?" Or did you respond by thinking about what the other person wants and "how can I make them happy?" The answer is probably the latter. You would have not really cared about yourself and would have wanted to make the other person happy.

This can get people in a lot of trouble when it comes to anger management. It can cause people's anger to brew and brew and brew. It is not really a sustainable way of being, and eventually people will explode. Eventually, YOU will explode! So you may think that you are helping other people by being the nice guy or the nice girl, but ultimately this behavior is to your own detriment. It is really causing you anger management problems, and ultimately, negatively impacting your close personal relationships. It's a vicious cycle.

Putting yourself first also means making decisions for yourself and not letting others make them for you. Sounds like a crazy concept, doesn't it? Making decisions for yourself? You take the statement for granted. "Of course I do," you may be saying to yourself. But do you really? When you think about your life, how often are you actually making the decisions in your life? How often are other people really making these decisions for you? Think about this question and statement for a second. When you run your ideas through other people, i.e., friends and family, do you get them to give you specific advice on what decision you should make, or do you get them to give you their perspective, i.e., different things that you need to be thinking about?
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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Anger Management - When Things Get Out of Hand

Every single human displays some levels of anger from time to time. Frustration from complications in the work place or at home, a relationship break up, feelings of sadness or loneliness can cause a person to react with anger. Certain amounts of anger are normal and can actually be healthy for relieving stress or dealing with situations that come up in our everyday lives.

When anger turns into rage a person can lose their better judgment and do irrational things that can be harmful to the people around them or even harmful to themselves. Often times a person will feel out of control in almost every aspect of their life when they get to this point. Every little thing that goes wrong will completely set them off. This is when anger management is desperately needed.

What Is Anger Management
The term anger management refers to a system or program that is put into place that gives an individual strategies and techniques so that they are able to control, reduce, or even eliminate the rage build up before it explodes. If a person loses control of a situation things can turn dangerous very quickly causing them to unleash on their family and friends. Anger management strategies are designed to help people return back to a healthy and normal life.

Taking A Break
I find this method the least effective in the long run but it does have some value. If you are able to remove yourself from the person, thing, or event before the anger turns into rage you might be able to defuse the situation before it truly explodes. Reading, listening to music or even sitting alone with your thoughts are all excellent ways that a person can take a break from the situation. Remember, being removed from the person or situation that triggers the anger is just an immediate response to keeping everyone safe both physically and emotionally. A long-term solution is still needed.

Owning Up To The Anger
Although it is human nature to blame our anger on another person or situation especially when we feel that it is brought on by being in that situation or near that individual, the anger actually belongs to the person who is feeling it. Because it belongs solely to the person who is feeling the anger it is up to that person to learn how to keep it in check or under control.

Owning up to our feelings and taking a good hard look in the mirror is not the easiest thing to do but it is a necessary step in the process. A person has to accept the responsibility for what they are feeling before they can take measures to get it under control. We must be able to admit to ourselves that we alone created what we are feeling inside, even if it is a result of someone else's actions or situations. We are the ones who created the feelings inside of us. When we finally accept that we have created the feelings that we are having inside of us and also accept responsibility for the outcome that resulted from those feelings, we can learn to let it go or at least find better ways to respond when we find ourselves back in those situations. There is still more work to do to fully let it go and move on.

Before I even start to talk about confrontation I must start out by saying that there is a healthy way and a very unhealthy way to do this. I am going to explain both ways and stress the importance of not going in an unhealthy direction.

An unhealthy confrontation can lead to even greater anger or lead to a dangerous situation. Never confront anyone when you are in the rage or anger mode. Never start out by placing blame on anyone as this will just lead them into a defensive posture and at this juncture nothing will be resolved.

In a healthy confrontation you must talk to the individuals involved with the situation in a calm and rational tone to try to get to the heart of the matter. To find out what actually started this in the first place. You may find that it was just an honest misunderstanding. Working things out through talk and understanding will build and strengthen this relationship when the conflict is finally resolved.

However, there are times when everyone involved just has to except that on some issues there are differences of opinions that will always remain. Remember, you can't always change other people's minds or make them do whatever you want them to do. How many people have been able to change your beliefs or control your actions? Ask yourself this question. Is the relationship important to you and worth keeping? If the answer is yes, then sometimes you just have to let it go and except that on certain subjects you will always disagree. Remember we are all different but deserve equal respect for our beliefs and opinions.

Hypnosis can often be a very helpful tool when dealing with anger issues. Hypnosis can help change the way a person thinks and feels about a particular situation. Changing the way you think and react is a much healthier way of coping and dealing with situations as they arise. It is easier to change yourself then someone else. Under hypnosis it is possible to change the way a person reacts to others by changing their own thought patterns preventing the triggers that cause the anger to get out of hand in the first place.

Whatever anger management strategy is chosen I feel that it is important to seek the advice and guidance of a professional who is trained and qualified to help implement the proper anger management Strategies.
Doctor Robert A. Bofman is a Certified Master Clinical Hypnotherapist an author and the director of one of the leading hypnosis centers in the US. Hypnosis can help you to overcome phobias and fears, conquer addictions, stop smoking, lose weight, manage stress or change and improve virtually any aspect of our life.
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An Anger Management Class Can Help Boost Your Emotional IQ

An anger management class isn't necessarily the sort of thing that only violent people have to go through. It's a class that really anybody can benefit and profit from. Everybody can, because everybody carries some form of anger; it's a raw emotion that's universal. Countless movies and stories have been produced around just this emotion; in fact, some would say that it's an eternal even essential part of being a person. So it's a little surprising that there's this notion out there that anger management class is really for the misfits of society, those that can't "handle their anger issues" (whatever that means). It's funny and odd, because we don't really say that about other things that are (so to say) "human."

To be blunt, intercourse is quite human; it's quite universal; it's quite essential and quite a normal thing for people to engage in. But as the wee ones in society grow and age, mature, they are educated about sex and the norms that surround this topic. It's odd, why don't we feel that way about anger and our emotions? Why aren't anger management courses provided to adolescents, when (arguably) their emotions are raging at their wildest and most outrageous? In fact, the mounting consensus is that this is required. In fact, there's an established term for attempting to grade this. It's called "emotional IQ." And at an early age, people are beginning to take notice of these markers in emotional behavior and management (or rather mismanagement). And it's a good step forward. See, an anger management class isn't ever only about anger; these courses are always about the full range of emotions, and the sweeps from one emotion to the next.

It's important that people that are taking these classes realize this, in order to make the most of what they're "studying." And we say studying here, not to be condescending, but again, because there's that sort of misconception out there, that anger and the full range of emotions, aren't worth tackling in this structured way. You do have to realize that there will be a lot of these opportunities to make good, on your emotional awareness, and to this end, there are plenty of resources about which anger management class to take up (since not all of them are the same). There are important resources and authorities out there, for folks that have been court ordered to seek out assistance with their emotions as well. In those cases, a counselor (appointed or not) will be able to point to the correct kind of content regarding anger management class on the web, because there is a lot out there on this subject, and it's important to keep on the straight and narrow while you're looking up this kind of information.

Go here to learn more about how an anger management class can help you.
Dr. Joe James is a psychologist who is the developer of an online court ordered anger management class.
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Anger Management and How People Express Anger

Anger management
It is extremely important to note that different people will express their anger in different ways. This article looks at the different ways that individuals express their anger. The 2 main expressions of anger will be looked at: Volcano and Passive Aggression.

The key point that I want to emphasize in this article is that there is no right way to express your anger. And that 1 way is no better or worse than the other way. Society has this view that if you explode and have the volcanic response then you are a bad person and have anger management problems. People who respond in other ways (e.g., passive aggressive tendencies) may have just as many anger management problems. They just know how to hide them a lot better. We as a society really need to change the way that we think about anger management and people who have anger management problems. We should be just as worried about the "passive aggressive" as we are of the "volcano". Let me explain what I mean by these 2 terms.

The Volcano
The volcano is the person who explodes or erupts. This is the person who represses their anger for a while, until it becomes too much and they can't take things any longer. For example, they will:
  • Physically last out at people. They may hit their wife, they may get in a bar fight while intoxicated
  • Verbally lash out at people. For example, they may be verbally abusive to their friends and loved ones.
  • Storm off. During a conversation, they may be triggered and decide to leave the room in a huff and a puff.
I am sure that we are all familiar with the volcanic response. We have either seen it in others or witnessed it in ourselves. As mentioned earlier, these are the people who normally get sent to anger management counselling and associated with having anger management problems. However, the volcano response isn't the only expression of anger.

Passive Aggressive Response
A really common expression of anger (that a lot of people aren't aware of) is the passive aggressive response. In modern society (unlike in cave-men times) it isn't socially acceptable to express your anger using the volcanic approach. People will call you unstable, needing anger management counselling and is often the 1 reason why people lose their jobs and relationships.

So what do people do when anger builds within them in today's world? They react in passive aggressive ways. For example:

  • Silent Treatment. You will expect the other person (whom you are mad at or choosing as a scapegoat for your anger) to be a mind reader and approach you to discuss your problem that you have with them. Oftentimes people, who employ this approach will emotionally shut down and be there in body but not in spirit.
  • Gossip. Instead of addressing your issue with the person whom you are annoyed with. You will gossip about them to work colleagues, family and friends.
  • Use of sarcasm, humor or subtle put-downs. Sometimes people will disguise their anger or annoyance with someone using this passive aggressive approach. Namely, subtle put-downs that are disguised as a joke. Often your conscious mind isn't even aware that you are annoyed with the person when you are doing it. And this is when the passive aggressive tendency is employed (often without you even being aware that you are doing it).
There are a number of passive aggressive tendencies that people employ, these are just 3 really common examples. How are you being passive aggressive in the different areas of your life as a way of expressing your anger?

I Don't Judge
The most important thing to do here is not to judge. Just because you have volcanic or passive aggressive tendencies does not make you a bad person. Nobody is perfect and we all express our anger in 1 of these 2 ways from time to time. The important thing is that we understand and are aware as to why we are behaving in this manner. Real behaviour change comes through awareness.

From my clinical experience, generally the person or partner who has a volcanic way of expressing their anger will come along to anger management counselling sessions (or be forced along). As the sessions go on, they often make the realisation that they aren't 100% to blame for the situation. What they find is that other people in their environment have anger management problems as well. The main difference being that they are better at hiding their anger. Usually "their" way of expressing anger is through passive aggressive tendencies. This piece of awareness doesn't shift the blame to the other person.

It helps them to understand the anger management cycle and how different people express their anger and frustration.
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Anger and the Role of Forgiveness

Anger is a human emotion. It is strongly linked to rage, and all of us have experienced it in some form since we were children. We are taught as children that anger and rage are not OK, and so we learn very early on and very skilfully to hide our anger and our rage.

Anger is also linked to fear. It is often a fear response that triggers an angry outburst, and is part of the fight or flight response. But fighting and retreating are actions that we take in response to an external threat. These actions are inbuilt into our system, and exist in order to preserve our life - they are a function of the part of our brain known as the limbic system. When this function of the limbic system is triggered, we find we have acted before we have realised it consciously. On the other hand, fear and anger are emotions that are part of the same response, but generally are responding to an internal thought or perception about a situation. Since these are an internal representation of what we see, we can usually do something about these types of reactions before they create a problem for us in the external world.

Does this mean that we can make the emotions disappear? Emotion is energy. What happens to energy when it is no longer discernible - does it cease to exist? Or is it transformed into something else? Physics teaches us that energy cannot be destroyed, it is always transformed into something else. If we push down and deny our anger, it will re-emerge in some other form, often as pain and disease in the body. Or we project it on to those around us and become a target for another's anger. Which sets up a cycle of blame and recrimination, sometimes for decades.

If you attract angry people in your life, it might be worth examining situations where you do not own your own angry emotions. You have the option to transform your unwanted anger into a more productive force. Anger has so much energy in it, imagine what you could accomplish if you could transmute it into an area in your life that needs a burst of energy and enthusiasm!

The need for forgiveness of those who have earned our angry or raging emotions is critical so that we avoid these emotions turning against ourselves and emerging as serious health issues. Often we feel anger, and are unable to forgive those who have wronged us - we believe that they should pay for what they have done. But if we look at our output on an energetic level, what we put out comes back to us three times and more. If we are putting our anger "out there" then we attract it back to us x 3. If we put out forgiveness, the same thing. Love, acceptance, kindness - what do you want to attract back to yourself?

Forgiveness is not about letting people off the hook. It is about freeing yourself from a destructive cycle that has no good outcome for your mind, your relationships or your health.

Estelle is a certified Life Coach, NLP Practitioner, NLP Performance Coach, a certified Remedial Massage Therapist and the owner of Esprit Coaching. She is passionate about providing her clients with successful strategies for realising a life of purpose, meaning and fulfillment using the best in change tools to ensure rapid results. Visit Esprit Coaching today and get your copy of the Success Booster MP3.
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7 Reasons Anger Management Classes Help Marriages

Anger management classes
Anyone who has decided to marry can understand that the long-term connection can make anger management classes a good option. There are quite a few reasons why anger management classes save marriages everyday, and in the hopes of helping those in need see the light of, maybe, getting the anger from destroying the marriage I have gathered a list of reasons anger management classes can save your marriage.

7. The Nag. Nagging is the natural order for some individuals, but nagging can be a very strong form of passive aggression. In the long term reality of marriage 'nagging' can become a huge problem for the man and the woman. Anger management classes can help couples work through the pet peeves and nit-picking to have a direct affect to save marriages.

6. Long distance. Since the inception of work that requires travel there have been marriages that have fallen victim to that constant distance. Whether the distance is caused by military service, business travel, acting regardless of the reason, the distance can cause resentment and anger. Anger management classes will allow the couple to talk out the problem using a mediator, the therapist, as a tool to find a solution that saves the marriage and sanity of all involved.

5. Sexual Frustration. Marriages that can go very long term can cause the sex life to seem routine. That can quickly lead the entire bedroom life of the marriage to crash and burn, each blaming the other for the lack of adventure and fulfillment. Taking anger management classes can open the dialogue of what each partner wants and likes. The chance for the couple to articulate the problems honestly can save marriages in just a few sessions!

4. Money. Simply put, money can cause a marriage to end almost as quickly as it was sealed with kiss. The help of an anger management therapist can administer classes and sessions that can make the problem areas easier to accept by both husband and wife.

3. Under appreciation. The source of countless fights and divorces has been the result from the feeling of being under-appreciated by their spouse. Getting into anger management classes will give the couple a chance to voice out what they feel and when it happens most often. That unbridled honesty just may save the marriage just in time.

2. Lying and omissions. It's understandable for anyone to want to leave their spouse if constant lies and omissions of the truth have to be uncovered at every turn. The techniques and sessions that an anger therapist can apply during class just may be able to work out that anger. Let's not forget, one big lie can be just as bad or worse than constant small ones!

1. Assault. Anger leads to violence. If that anger isn't controlled and manipulated into energy that's used positively, the final outcome might be a prison sentence. Private anger classes can help individuals who happen to be married, instead of the couple as a whole. Anger outside the home can be just as likely, especially at a bar. Extreme anger mixed with liquor can make for an assault and jail sentence that may destroy your marriage. No one can be expected to put life and living on hold for years and years so another can pay a debt to society.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes
Dr. Ari Novick is a psychotherapist who provides world class Anger Management Classes Online.
View the original article here

6 Ways Anger Management Classes Online Help

Anger management
Anger management is one of the fastest growing problems Americans are experiencing today. With non-stop financial problems looming in the distance, non-stop bills, end of the world conspiracies, children, breakdowns, and common accidents can drive us to therapy, and maybe that's not such a bad idea after all! Besides, there's more than one benefit of anger management classes, for you and those around you.
Anger management gives the patient tools to work through and cure their extreme anger. Remember, the purpose of anger management classes, online or off, is to manage anger, not completely eliminate it, which is impossible for any breathing and alive human being. Here are a few ways that anger management online help.

6. Communication. Online anger classes will improve your communication skills. You will find yourself able to find the proper way to describe or articulate what you want, feel, or need. Your communication skills will improve with others and with yourself. Instead of feeling confused about who you are, classes may help you communicate your own simple truths.

5. Mental re-prioritization. Online classes will help you clear the mental clutter and help you, not do it for you, but help you re-prioritize your goals, views, and ideas, in a way that you will find more useful and more advantageous than the negativity that spews from a angry mind.

4. Relaxation. Every will make its end goal to be relaxation. If you pressed for time, stressed, or just too busy to take a break, there are still techniques that the online anger therapists can teach you to implement to relieve the anger caused by that frustration. Working therapies for on the go patients include special types of incense, music, and simple and quick counting techniques that take only minutes to work that's faster than any pill you'll get from an M.D.

3. Change of Environment. While classes can be taken in the enclosure of your own home, it has become very possible with today's technology to take your class in a solitary open field, at a small park, or anywhere you feel comfortable where Internet access is available. Online programs may give out assignments to complete in the real world to actively put you out in public to help you help yourself. Sometimes, the anger can be remedied simply by changing where you are, a fact that every therapist is aware of.

2. Implementing a sense of humor. The biggest enemy, the number 1 killer, of anger is having a great sense of humor. Laughter is a weapon in cases of poor anger control. The online courses may recommend or prescribe certain activities that will get you out to see stand up, commit practical jokes, tell jokes, and basically, replace the oncoming anger with a calm down joke or watch a funny film, anything that will help change the mood from its angry status.

1. Problem Solving. The biggest way that anger control classes will help is by using and improving the patient's problem solving skills. By doing this, the anger professional will give their patients the ability to work out or avoid their anger by quickly and efficiently finding a solution to whatever is making them angry. It is one of the most effective tools any therapist can give a patient.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes
Dr. Ari Novick is a psychotherapist who provides world class Anger Management Classes Online.
View the original article here

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

5 Evidence Based Anger Management Class Tips That Really Help

Anger Management
Is anger management just a bunch of hot air? It's often hard to tell what is really effective these days and what is just a bunch of "advice" that is simply based on opinion. Anger management class techniques can vary greatly from provider to provider, so it's important to determine what is really going to be helpful before you spend the time and energy trying to learn something new to better manage and control your aggression. Here is a quick list of some of the most trusted and proven interventions for better managing anger:

Anger Control Tip #1: Becoming more emotionally intelligent has its advantages. Emotional intelligence is often associated with skills in empathy. Those that have the ability to show more empathy towards others tend to feel better, get their needs met more of the time, and how more quality interactions with others. More on this topic can be found my researching Daniel Goldman.

Anger Control Tip #2: Get your Stress Under Control. Anger and stress tend to go hand in hand. The higher ones stress the easier it is to get upset. Learning effective techniques in stress management will not only reduce your anger response, but it will also help create a healthier and more well balanced life. Check out the research on stress management documented by the Occupational Safety and Health organization.

Anger Control Tip #3: Changing internal dialog and self-talk. Anger management courses that teach this skill will almost always base the intervention on work done by Albert Ellis, R.C. Taft and others. Their well documented research has led to some amazing discoveries about how our thoughts effect our behavior and feelings. Taking personal responsibility for our internal dialog and beliefs leads us to change our current and future behaviors towards ourselves and others.

Anger Control Tip #4: Better manage our Expectations. Expectation management is often one very difficult concept to understand. Through the work of John Gottman, Elizabeth Loftun and William Calvin, we have recently discovered that both our memories and expectations are greatly influenced by our belief systems. Anger management training should focus on this important concept.

Anger Control Tip #5: Becoming a more Assertive communicator. As the saying goes, "Communication is king". Anger management classes aimed at teaching these skills will help participants better express their feelings and needs more appropriately. Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. Much research on this topic has been done by the University of Wisconsin's counseling center (among many others).

Getting help in mastering these skills can be done in a variety of ways including taking anger classes online, or simply finding a local anger management class near you.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes
Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes Online
View the original article here